Evil Tree

  I got the rest of that wicked tree down today. I've been eyeing it warily for weeks now. It had shaken my confidence much like the time I was broadsided at an intersection. For several years I got the willies whenever driving through there. That intersection doesn't scare me anymore, but this tree still does.
  Normally, when I fell a tree, I drop it where I want it - like calling eight ball in the side pocket. But this one fooled me and I'm still not sure how. The mishap seemed to defy physics, really.
  Since the tree was close to the barn I thought it best to limb it out before the final felling. I was at the top of an extension ladder cutting a large limb that should have fallen away from the tree and barn. But when I completed the cut, the branch bore straight down like a pile-driver, taking me with it. I briefly caught a glimpse of the ground rushing up and thought, 'This is gonna be bad'. Unlike a cat, I twisted my body in order to land on my back but my hip took the brunt of the impact and my head took the secondary. Once I was able to open my eyes, I saw blue and green and Chris, standing above me who said, "Don't move!". So of course I moved my arms and legs and was relieved to find them working.
  I said, "Chris, I'm fine. I just want to lie here for a little while".
  "You're not fine. There's a big puddle of blood under your head."
Once she was sure I would remain conscious, she ran to the house and got a towel for to hold against the wound.
  I told the emergency doctor I thought the cut might be from the chainsaw but he said it was an impact laceration which happens when the energy of an impact needs to escape and opens the skin to release pressure, like when you drop a melon on the ground. It splits.
  He used a staple gun to close up the wound, x-rayed my neck and hip, and cat-scanned my brain. He poked around my abdomen checking for internal injuries and finally let me go home. I was amazed to have so little pain that night but by the next day, the chickens were home to roost.
  One of the side effects of concussion is excessive sleeping. They told Chris to wake me every two hours, which she did for almost two days. I'm still sleeping a lot more than normal but things are healing quite nicely. They say that accumulated head injuries take a toll on brain function. I've had more than my share and that would explain a lot.
  I now shudder to think of how things might have gone and chalk up my good fortune to fools' luck.
And now for my next trick...

El Budro, honorary Wallenda!