Loner

I don't "fit" in social settings and I'm okay with that. It's not personal - I don't dislike people. I'm just not comfortable in social situations.

But I do often feel guilt for not living up to peoples' expectations, or for not showing more interest in being with family (or friends). I love my family and friends but rarely feel a need for proximity.

Since childhood, I've been drawn to the outdoors, especially remote wilderness areas. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting alone, perfectly still, absorbing the sweet solitude of seclusion. I had many hiding places. My strongest propensity has always been "getting away". When I read books they are usually about living a simple life in the wild. My favorite magazines are Mother Earth News, Backwoods Home, and other back-to-the-land type periodicals. When I was in my twenties, my contemporaries were planning their careers. I was planning my eventual escape.

I'd often go on travel excursions by myself. Some may find it odd but that was what I wanted/needed...to get away. I understand why the river runs to a place somewhere far away.

Fortunately for me, I eventually found a partner who shares this proclivity for solitude and we've been happily together ever since. Maybe no man is an island, but with a loving and like-minded spouse, nearly all of your emotional needs can be met with little reliance on society.

Oddly, after having been retired from the post office for a year, I thought I might be missing the work-place social interactions so I took a part-time job in order to get a small dose of that old grind. But I found myself avoiding my co-workers and made it clear to my bosses that I prefer to work alone.

Once Chris retired, I felt free to drop out of the rat-race. And it's as good as I'd hoped it would be. Better!
So...a little socialization goes a long way with me. I'm not inclined toward idle chit-chat and sometimes can barely withstand it. The holidays are awful because they almost "force" people together. Maybe that's why I dread that time of year.

Am I a screwball? You bet! But I feel fairly self-actualized and quite peaceful within myself. I just wish I didn't have to let friends and family down by being so "distant". That's where the guilt comes in. And that's why the holidays can be hard for me. But you know what? The holidays are quickly over -- they run up, push me down, and run off laughing. I get back up, dust myself off and resume my life of quiet contentment.

I'm very grateful for friends and family. It's good to know I can rely on them when needed. But I'm not compelled to social interaction. And it's not personal! It only seems that way.